Police Workout of DOOM!

"The Strongest Man...In the World" - The Adventures of Pete and Pete

So we're now into phase two of our police training - the Advanced Academy. Part of that phase two is some crash physical training. It's kind of like a learn-by-doing tutorial on how to stay in shape as an officer without having to buy a home gym or a membership at Gold's or some other place. There are these two die hard athletes on the force who are in charge of putting the new recruits through the ringer. The first day we played "Cop Ball," which is kind of like "Cannonball" but with a medicine ball instead of a Pilate's ball, and it more follows the Ultimate Frisbee rules than soccer rules. We then played Soccer in such a way that emphasized the running around ceaselessly aspect rather than the playing positions aspect. Anyway, it tired me out real good but I felt confident that if our future physical training activities were at all similar I would be okay.

The next day served me a rude awakening. We were taken through one of the most exhausting workouts I can remember surviving, and all with a cheerful smile from our Terminator of an instructor. Here's what he had us do - feel free to try it yourselves if it doesn't sound that difficult:

Time limit: Beginners = 13 minutes; Intermediate = 7-10 minutes; Terminator = 2x in 30 minutes.

1. 25 Bicycles
(sit ups that you do whilst "pedalling" with your legs - right elbow to left knee then left elbow to right knee = 1 bicycle)
2. 30 Boxers
(standing trunk twists in which you touch your left elbow to your raised right knee, followed by a squat, and then a twist to touch your right elbow to your raised left knee, followed by a squat = 1 boxer)
3. 25 Bicycles
4. 30 Push ups
5. 25 Bicycles
6. 30 Side leaps
(leap to the left side as though jumping over a soccer ball, squat, jump back to the right side, squat = 1 side leap)
7. 25 Bicycles
8. 30 SWAT push ups
(from standing, drop down to hands and knees, kick your legs straight back and then spread them out and do a push up, then bring them back together, then bring them to your chest and stand up = 1 SWAT push-up)
9. 25 Bicycles
10. 20 Squats
(from standing, bend your knees to a 90 degree angle and then straighten them back up)
11. 25 Bicycles
12. 50 Mountain Climbers
(with hands on the ground, do a stationary bear crawl or just act like you are running stairs with your hands in place on the ground - left and right knees = 1 mountain climber)
13. 25 Bicycles

Also, you should only take 2-5 second breaks when you need them, and never between stages. I about died on the 30 SWAT push ups and called it good at 15 when I was taking a 5+ second break between every single one.

If that doesn't sound like much, after we finished with this routine we got a whole 2 minutes to rest before jumping right in to the next fun training exercise. This one he told us we could do on our own with a stopwatch, but here we did it with partners. This routine involved 5 stages of five minutes each during which we worked with a partner to take turns executing each of the five tasks for the full time period. Basically, one person would start out doing the exercise and the other would be resting. Then, when the person who started got tired he/she would stop and their partner would go for as long as he/she could, and so on. Here's what we did:

1. Squats - 5 minutes
2. Push-ups - 5 minutes
3. Sit-ups - 5 mintues
4. Burpies - 5 minutes (a Burpie is basically a push up that you do starting from a standing position and then follow with a jump when standing again)
5. Dive Bombers - 5 mintues (a Dive Bomber is when you drop into the push up position from standing and basically act like you are trying to worm yourself under a barbed wire line [dipping your torso to the ground and pushing yourself forward while arching your back under the imaginary wire] and then worming yourself back before standing up)

This was where I really wanted to die. Oh yeah, and if both of you can't do any more, you get to rest by running (NOT jogging) to the end of the field and back, and then you have to go right back into the routine where you left off. By the time we got to sit-ups, my abs were fine but the rest of my body was so shot I could only do one in good form, the rest I was basically flailing and thrashing just to get my back off of the ground - no form, but I couldn't let my partner down. Thankfully, in his mercy, the Terminator decided to cut out stage 5 and let us go home in one piece. I was amazed at how well everyone else appeared to be doing. I felt like I was a few steps shy of my demise and everyone else somehow had enough energy to ask me how I was doing. Anyway, only after I got to whine to Mitzi about my harrowing workday finale did I feel better.

Well, as always, I've gone on too long and won't even start into what he had us do today. I'll just say that it was not the hardest workout I've ever had solely because of the one he made us do last week. Under any other circumstances, this one would have taken the cake. Just one of the 8 things he had us do, twice each, was the classic football drill of run the full length of the field and back, stopping every ten yards to do a burpie. That one was one of the worst for me, but there were plenty others that weren't much fun either. So if any of you are looking for an inexpensive way to get in shape, this may be the answer you are looking for - in stead of the cost of a gym membership, it will only cost you your mortal life!

If any one happens to try this, please let me know. We can gripe together!